My oh my, how things can change. I just re-read my last posting and indeed life unfolds in the most mysterious and unpredictable of ways. I have since returned home from my summer working up in northern Ontario at the girl's ranger camp. It still hasn't really set in that it is over and I am at yet another crossroads. I am so torn about how I feel the summer went, and I guess am struggling to be at peace with how it played out. Perhaps that is the danger of expectations...For years my summer's with the Ontario Ranger Program have served me in the most beneficial way, but for whatever reason this past season was very different. I want to make it clear that 'different' means neither bad or good, but simply 'different.' In fact, it was quite challenging in many respects. The first few weeks I felt very lost and lonely, as if I was seeing the program through a brand new set of glasses. At this point, I was convinced that my mind and spirit were just toying with my emotions and eventually I'd come around and feel like I always do; happy and overjoyed and ready to work with the youth of tomorrow! However, that feeling never came. The absence of that feeling was so disheartening and despairing and I couldn't understand why. For the most part, everything was the same, so why did I feel so low and despairing? After many days in which I suffered much internal conflict I began to realize that it was not my external environment that was causing me inner turmoil, but rather a drastic change which had occurred within me over the course of this year. Since, I've come to an understanding that perhaps I have outgrown the program. The best analogy I can use; "it was like trying to cram myself into a sweater that was 3x too small!"
As someone who thrives off of being challenged around every corner, I certainly got more than I bargained for this summer. There were many hard lessons learned, especially regarding self-awareness and learning how to exercise patience when every cell in my body screamed with impatience. I learned the painful lesson of letting go and accepting my changed feelings towards the program. I learned that all people need mistakes to gain a better sense of who they are and what they're capable of accomplishing. I learned that not everyone is gifted in reading other people's behavior and it can take a lot of time, energy and work to coach and encourage them to ask themselves what positive message they want to deliver to the world/these girls? I learned that sometimes it is necessary to rise above the petty things and look at the bigger picture, because in the end it is always worth it. I am still exhausted and feel like I'm running on empty since ending my contract. However, that does not mean I regret any part of it. On the contrary. My confirmation came to me on the very last day, when all the young women departed and left behind a paper-bag filled with warm fuzzies (little notes of appreciation) for me. I will share one of my favorites that just reaffirmed my role this past summer and just how integral it was in shaping these young women. We as staff, were able to provide these young 17 yr. old women with opportunities to grow and become confident, strong and empowered young women, through hard work, challenging wilderness situations and group living. How incredible is that? I really hope, with all my heart that programs like the Ontario Ranger Program can continue to exist and guide young women and men to embrace who they are and the magnificent place they have in this world! Ok, as promised...a warm fuzzy.
" Naomi,
You are a true inspiration to us all. Not just with the crazy adventures that I love hearing about, and aspire to do similar ones myself one day, but with the way you carry yourself. I've seen how you've put your whole heart into this program and I deeply thank you for it. Year after year you have gone way pas the necessary to give us the time of our lives. You really have helped change me as a person, for the better. Seeing the energy and enthusiasm you have as you dive head first into anything shows me that I really can do anything if I believe in it. I hope you carry out your dreams with the same fiery passion and inspire so many others as you have me. You deserve great things from this world, you have given some of the greatest. I will never forget your amazing personality. I will apply the lessons you have taught me to all my further endeavors. Thank you just doesn't seem like enough."
- Love always a Ranger
The moment I finished reading all these beautiful notes of appreciation I started to bawl like a baby. There I was, thinking I had not worked hard enough, had not done enough to connect and make an impact on their summer. Sometimes, it is when we think we are doing the least that we actually are doing more. Even just by being who you are, that is enough! Many times I forget that we are at our most powerful and influential when we are simply in our best and most joyful state of being. This is the best gift you or I can give to the world!
I have decided to embark on yet another journey to explore the mind, body and soul connection, but this time I am not going solo. I have chosen a fantastic companion who I am so excited to have by my side. We have spent many hours brainstorming ways in which we can explore this idea of giving and have the 'act of giving' take on a life of its own. That is how the 'GP' was born! GP (The Giving Project) will be starting in Alaska and hopefully work its way around the globe. The idea behind the project is to have each positive act of giving be represented by a unique pin. The pin will be paid forward to the next person that was the receiver of the kind act and will then pay that kindness forward and so on and so forth. Beth (my partner in crime) and I are thinking it would be really cool to follow the journey of the 100 or so pins we want to give away. We are still not sure how to do this, but are thinking about starting a public blog where anybody (who came into possession of a pin) can write about how they received it and document it on the blog. Who knows...maybe in a year the pins will end up in Australia?!!! If you have any thoughts or ideas how we can make the story of each pin go global please email or comment below!
Beth and I leave on Tuesday for Anchorage AK. Yes, I realize it is a bit late in the season, but I fell in love with the north last fall and can't wait to get back up there. We will be traveling with $0 yet again, with the exception of our wonderful and lively musical talents. It is within the discomfort of not knowing what lies ahead that some of the most incredible opportunities arise. We are confident that with all the amazing people out there we will always find a way to make things work. We will first be making our way to Valdez, AK. to partake in an awesome 10 day sea kayaking adventure, compliments of my dear friend Ilene. After this, we will let our greasy and sea soaked hair down, and travel on foot, by car, or whatever mode of transportation is available, and make our way down the coast, eventually reaching Vancouver Island by mid October. We will be spreading pins of joy so spread the word and let the chain of giving begin!
As someone who thrives off of being challenged around every corner, I certainly got more than I bargained for this summer. There were many hard lessons learned, especially regarding self-awareness and learning how to exercise patience when every cell in my body screamed with impatience. I learned the painful lesson of letting go and accepting my changed feelings towards the program. I learned that all people need mistakes to gain a better sense of who they are and what they're capable of accomplishing. I learned that not everyone is gifted in reading other people's behavior and it can take a lot of time, energy and work to coach and encourage them to ask themselves what positive message they want to deliver to the world/these girls? I learned that sometimes it is necessary to rise above the petty things and look at the bigger picture, because in the end it is always worth it. I am still exhausted and feel like I'm running on empty since ending my contract. However, that does not mean I regret any part of it. On the contrary. My confirmation came to me on the very last day, when all the young women departed and left behind a paper-bag filled with warm fuzzies (little notes of appreciation) for me. I will share one of my favorites that just reaffirmed my role this past summer and just how integral it was in shaping these young women. We as staff, were able to provide these young 17 yr. old women with opportunities to grow and become confident, strong and empowered young women, through hard work, challenging wilderness situations and group living. How incredible is that? I really hope, with all my heart that programs like the Ontario Ranger Program can continue to exist and guide young women and men to embrace who they are and the magnificent place they have in this world! Ok, as promised...a warm fuzzy.
" Naomi,
You are a true inspiration to us all. Not just with the crazy adventures that I love hearing about, and aspire to do similar ones myself one day, but with the way you carry yourself. I've seen how you've put your whole heart into this program and I deeply thank you for it. Year after year you have gone way pas the necessary to give us the time of our lives. You really have helped change me as a person, for the better. Seeing the energy and enthusiasm you have as you dive head first into anything shows me that I really can do anything if I believe in it. I hope you carry out your dreams with the same fiery passion and inspire so many others as you have me. You deserve great things from this world, you have given some of the greatest. I will never forget your amazing personality. I will apply the lessons you have taught me to all my further endeavors. Thank you just doesn't seem like enough."
- Love always a Ranger
The moment I finished reading all these beautiful notes of appreciation I started to bawl like a baby. There I was, thinking I had not worked hard enough, had not done enough to connect and make an impact on their summer. Sometimes, it is when we think we are doing the least that we actually are doing more. Even just by being who you are, that is enough! Many times I forget that we are at our most powerful and influential when we are simply in our best and most joyful state of being. This is the best gift you or I can give to the world!
I have decided to embark on yet another journey to explore the mind, body and soul connection, but this time I am not going solo. I have chosen a fantastic companion who I am so excited to have by my side. We have spent many hours brainstorming ways in which we can explore this idea of giving and have the 'act of giving' take on a life of its own. That is how the 'GP' was born! GP (The Giving Project) will be starting in Alaska and hopefully work its way around the globe. The idea behind the project is to have each positive act of giving be represented by a unique pin. The pin will be paid forward to the next person that was the receiver of the kind act and will then pay that kindness forward and so on and so forth. Beth (my partner in crime) and I are thinking it would be really cool to follow the journey of the 100 or so pins we want to give away. We are still not sure how to do this, but are thinking about starting a public blog where anybody (who came into possession of a pin) can write about how they received it and document it on the blog. Who knows...maybe in a year the pins will end up in Australia?!!! If you have any thoughts or ideas how we can make the story of each pin go global please email or comment below!
Beth and I leave on Tuesday for Anchorage AK. Yes, I realize it is a bit late in the season, but I fell in love with the north last fall and can't wait to get back up there. We will be traveling with $0 yet again, with the exception of our wonderful and lively musical talents. It is within the discomfort of not knowing what lies ahead that some of the most incredible opportunities arise. We are confident that with all the amazing people out there we will always find a way to make things work. We will first be making our way to Valdez, AK. to partake in an awesome 10 day sea kayaking adventure, compliments of my dear friend Ilene. After this, we will let our greasy and sea soaked hair down, and travel on foot, by car, or whatever mode of transportation is available, and make our way down the coast, eventually reaching Vancouver Island by mid October. We will be spreading pins of joy so spread the word and let the chain of giving begin!
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